this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
