I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
