is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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