that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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