I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
