In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
FUCK WHALES
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
