proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
