I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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