Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
