He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
