I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
