Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
