so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
