i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
