I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
