Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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