Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
