Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
