You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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