just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
