dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
