Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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