Just fell off a train. Bad.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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