Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
