Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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