I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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