if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
