i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
