Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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