people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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