i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
