we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
