My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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