32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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