I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
