sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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