You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
