Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
