i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
