I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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