Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
