3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
