And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
