Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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