Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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