So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
