go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
