Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
