I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
