I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
